


Blind

by MicroKitty1313



Series: Free! FB Event fics [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Accepting Help, Coping, Dialogue Heavy, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Support, hints of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8528821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MicroKitty1313/pseuds/MicroKitty1313
Summary: When Sousuke see's Haru again after they were separated months before, he wishes their relationship could be repaired. His regrets haunt him, but sometimes you don't get a second chance.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **READ THE TAGS**

The chilled morning air was a bitter reminder for Sousuke that he hadn’t been awake and out of his apartment this early in months. If it weren’t for the fact that he’d woke to intense hunger pangs, having run out of food almost 24 hours ago, he damn sure wouldn’t be lumbering his way back through the park right now after his quick trip to the store.

He was still partially asleep, driven solely by his body and it’s need for sustenance. He was always tired these days, which was confusing because mostly all he ever did was sleep now. His parents were helping him pay his bills every month but their patience and understanding were rapidly dissipating, and he knew it.

The sun blinded him momentarily, peeking through the buildings as it began it’s rise into the sky. He blinked, rubbing his eyes then cautiously lowering his hand to make sure he’d turned enough to not have a repeat of his vision being stolen away.

His eyes widen, staring at the bench to his right, just off the trail that leads out of the park and back to his seclusion. He exhales slowly, the white cloud of his breath showing how his chest trembles at the sight before him. His grasp on the bag from the _konbini_ tightens as he takes a few steps forward.

He watches as a black eyebrow twitches up just slightly and mesmerizing blue eyes take him in, which to be honest is probably not the best thing they’ve seen lately. He licks his lips and doesn’t say it so much as he breathes the name, “Haru”.

Haru gives a short nod as if confirming that Sousuke was right, like he’s some kind of idiot, “Yamazaki”.

Sousuke snorts, the tension leaving his shoulders all at once as he makes his way to the bench and practically falls onto it beside the other, “So, we’re doing _that_ again?”

“You’ve pissed me off”.

Sousuke chuckles, dropping the bag to the ground beside his feet and sticking his hands into his jacket pockets, “It’s been a while. What have I done this time?”

Haru gives Sousuke a sidelong glance then leans farther against the wooden backrest, “Only three months”.

Sousuke frowns, “You say that like it hasn’t felt like a lifetime”.

“Hasn’t felt that long for me” Haru shrugs.

Of course it hasn’t. Sousuke’s the one that’s spent every day hoping to hear from him, wishing he’d stop by, even if it was only for a _friendly_ visit and nothing more. Haru probably hasn’t even considered the possibility that he’s been making Sousuke suffer. He doesn’t realize how much Sousuke has missed him. But, that’s entirely Sousuke’s fault, isn’t it? Haru wouldn’t know because Sousuke never told him.

After two years of messing around, you’d figure Sousuke would be more comfortable voicing his feelings. No, it wasn’t ‘messing around’. Maybe that’s what it was in the beginning, but around the time they’d began holding each other in the quiet moments of the aftermath of what they’d done, what they were doing, is when it changed. When the sex quit being just a ‘quick fuck’ and turned into learning each other’s bodies with their hands, lips, tongues, and lingering there together in the slow, building passion - that’s when it could no longer be classified as ‘just messing around’.

“You didn’t answer me,” Sousuke slides a bit closer to the middle of the bench, “How’d I piss you off?”

Haru rolls his eyes, as if explaining himself is the most troublesome thing in the world, “You haven’t been talking to anyone”.

“I haven’t felt like talking to anyone” Sousuke replies, trying to keep the sudden anger he’s feeling out of his voice.

Haru turns his head, narrowing his eyes, “You’re being selfish”.

“Fine! I’m fucking selfish. Can we drop this? I don’t want to argue with you right now. Who the fuck knows when I’ll get to see you again so…”

Haru shakes his head, eyebrows slanting down, “Say it”.

“Say what?” Sousuke snarls.

Haru scoots closer to the other, close enough that they’re almost touching, but Haru isn’t going to close the distance between them. As badly as he craves to feel the warmth of Sousuke pressed against him, it’s impossible now. “What you’re thinking”.

Sousuke works his jaw, glaring down at Haru but there’s nothing cold about his gaze, two years worth of emotions rising up from the place in his chest he’d persistently held them for so long. “I think I’ve been anything but selfish. That night, the last time we were together, if I’d have told you… If I’d have asked you to stay, would we still be together?”, he keeps his voice low, not risking the chance of it breaking.

Haru looks away, focusing on the few birds hoping around in the grass on the other side of the trail, “Told me what?”

“You’re a little shit, you know that?” Sousuke grumbles. He sighs, lifting a hand to run his fingers through his hair then laying his arm along the backrest, “That I loved you. I _love_ you”.

Haru smirks, “I still would’ve left. Even if I stayed, nothing would have changed”.

“You don’t know that” Sousuke whispers.

Haru huffs, turning away, “ _You_ do”.

They fall into silence, listening to the sounds of the city coming to life around them. It was comfortable, being in each other’s company again. Haru’s presence like a warm blanket around him. He can’t stop looking at him and he wants more than anything to reach out, stroke his cheek, touch his hair, kiss him. But he doesn’t. He knows he can’t. Their relationship shattered months ago, pulling them apart with no chance of ever coming together again.

“How do you feel about me?”

Haru moves his attention back to the other, his blue eyes catching the sunlight that’s risen above the roofs of the buildings around them, “You know the answer”.

Sousuke shakes his head, “You’ve never-”

Haru cuts him off, “You _know_. Maybe pretending like you don’t makes it easier. So however you think I feel, that’s your answer”.

Sousuke scoffs, “Now _you’ve_ pissed _me_ off”.

A small, soft laugh falls from Haru’s lips, “You’re mad at yourself, not me”.

Sousuke sighs, finally taking his eyes off Haru for the first time since he’s sat down. He leans his head back, looking up at the sky, “I can fix this. We can be together”.

“Yamazaki”.

“I can’t get over you. I can’t just let go, Haru. This could work”.

“Stop”.

“I’d do it. I could hold you again. We could be happy…” Sousuke’s voice cracks, a heavy tear slipping down his cheek, “I’d never let you go again”.

“ _Sousuke_. Stop it. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want to hurt you. Nothing you could have done would’ve stopped it. This isn’t something you can fix. You need to stop sulking and talk to your friends. Quit hiding”.

Sousuke swallows thickly, guilt stirring in his gut and making him feel sick, “I know. But I don’t want to leave you”.

Haru leans against Sousuke’s side, pressing his lips to his jaw, a ghost of a feeling that Sousuke clings to with every inch of his being, desperately trying to remember how it felt. But as time moves on, the memories of the heat of those lips slip away. “Don’t waste away daydreaming about something that’s over”.

Sousuke’s brows knit together and he looks beside him, at the empty spot on the bench. He knows why he’s imagining this, in this spot where everything started. Where he’d been out for his morning jog and had spotted Haru sitting alone. Where they’d began talking, still awkward at first, but Sousuke couldn’t ignore how the sun danced in Haru’s eyes and it pushed him to move them forward. Sousuke ended up inviting Haru back to his place on a whim and that was the beginning.

It felt so natural, like they were always on the same page. When their relationship shifted, neither of them even flinched. There were no doubts, no guessing. It’s only now that Haru is gone that Sousuke has regrets. He should have said more. He would give anything to be able to tell Haru how much he loves him and how long he’s loved him and let him know that he was happiest when they held each other. He should have never let Haru leave that night.

Rin moves his weight from foot to foot, nervously looking at his friend, “Sousuke? Did you hear me?”

Sousuke stares at Rin for a moment, wondering how long he’d been there and if Sousuke had been talking out loud rather than just in his head, “Sorry. My mind was… somewhere else.”, Sousuke stands, picking his bag up and giving Rin a tired smile, “How have you been?”

Rin looks like he wants to simultaneously hug Sousuke, punch him and possibly cry. His voice his shaky but he tries to cover it up with that familiar smile, “Getting better. I haven’t seen you since…”, his smile falters and he bites his bottom lip. He busies himself with adjusting the zipper of his jacket, “How are you?”

Sousuke doesn’t answer, instead he starts walking towards the sidewalk, glancing over his shoulder to let Rin know he was expecting him to follow, “How’s Tachibana?”

“Same as me. Trying to help each other get through this”. Rin lightly grabs Sousuke’s arm, “You wouldn’t come to the door or answer your phone and… Do you know how worried I’ve been? I had to call your parents just to make sure you were still alive!”

“I’m fine. I’m over it” 

_’Quit hiding’_

Rin eyes Sousuke, he opens his mouth to speak but hesitates then finally, “Don’t lie to me. You were talking to him when I showed up. Do you think you can see him?”, Rin shakes his head, searching for the right words, “He’s gone. What you’re doing isn’t real”.

Sousuke snatches his arm away, scowling, “I know it’s not real! I know he isn’t there but it’s been hard for me, alright? It fucking sucks and I don’t want to hear any bullshit about how you know how I feel, because you **don’t**. You can’t”.

Rin looks down, lowering his hand to his side, “No, I don’t know exactly how you feel, but Haru was important to me, too. And Makoto. You aren’t the only one that’s been hurting”.

“That’s comforting” Sousuke spits back.

“I’m meeting up with Makoto later. I want you to come. Just have a few drinks and catch up. I’ve missed you, Sousuke”, Rin looks at him then and his eyes show pure sorrow. Just like they did three months ago. He looks like he’s watching another one of his friends being buried.

Sousuke wants to tell him ‘no’. He doesn’t want to go out and make small-talk and pretend that the three of them aren’t all thinking about the exact same thing, the person missing from the group. He doesn’t want to see how broken Makoto must look, especially if it’s anything close to how Rin does… how he probably does. But he can hear it crystal clear, in that tone Haru would use when he was egging him on, **daring** him to refuse what he needed. Haru could be relentless.

 _’Go. You need this._ They _need this. Or do you enjoy what you’re doing to Rin’?_

“Asshole” Sousuke mumbles. He turns his back to Rin and takes a few steps in the direction of his apartment, then pauses, “What time and where?”

Rin smiles, an honest, genuine smile, “Anywhere. You pick”.

“I don’t think I’m really up for a bar or anything. Your place? Makoto’s?”, Sousuke doesn’t turn around when he adds, “I’ve missed you too, Rin. And I think…”, he sighs, “I think I’m ready to talk, if you’ll listen”.


End file.
